Dr. Definitely Real

Dr. Real has published 12 papers, none cited voluntarily. He received his Ph.D. from a university that no longer exists (it was retracted), and has been on the editorial board of seventeen journals he founded himself. His research interests include machine learning (the kind machines never actually learn), pattern recognition (patterns not yet confirmed to exist), and grant writing (the only skill he has mastered). He was named “Researcher of the Year” by a committee he personally chaired.